Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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