Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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