My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
