She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
