i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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