Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
