Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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