so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
