i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I touched a dick in church today
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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