It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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