There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
