I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
