Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
