Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
