I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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