he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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