im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
