I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
