i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
