I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
