My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
