Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
