She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he just fucked me for my cheese.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
