i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
