Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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