i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
