I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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