whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I will pee on everything he values.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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