i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
