dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
