Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
