You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
