Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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