its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
