just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
