Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
