Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize