She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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