I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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