he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize