she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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