I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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