She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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