chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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