I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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