i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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