I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize