Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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