Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They are going to name an STD after you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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