Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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