His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
