Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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