you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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