I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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