did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
