Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
