He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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