Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
