I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
