**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
