I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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