I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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