we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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