Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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