You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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