U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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