I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
