My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
