I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
