Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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