end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
